Alright, apparently there are no followers and I doubt there ever will be (I know, I'm an optimist) sooo, I'll just use this to organize my thoughts and to write for pure enjoyment.
Question: Is there ever a time to be bitchy? Do we ever have the right? I've never thought so personally, but recently my mind has leaned toward the wayside and I've concluded that maybe we do. Last semester, I made friends. Crazy, right? One I had known the previous semester via a mutual friend, and one I met in my physics discussion. The physics guy and I, let's name him Herb (I doubt he'll ever read this, he doesn't read much... but as a precaution we'll give him an alias), met when I introduced myself to him. I thought he was cute, and I heard him say that he was a music minor, which bumped him up on the cute scale, so I sat next to him and asked, "What instrument do you play?" And of course, knowing my luck, the guy ended up being a jackass. I thought he was cool for a few weeks, then, either because he became more comfortable with me or I with him, I soon found out that he was an arrogant, womanizing, self-centered, genuine jerk. Believe me, I could have used stronger language. So, Herb and my other "friend," let's call the other guy "Fred," soon developed a friendship of their own. They talked constantly in class, they would ask me to come study with them, then they would spend the study session talking about boobs and sex. Herb would say, "you know what? I'm a Christian so I can't have sex right? I'm missing out on so much! Why am I waiting? It's a screwed up system, I just want to bang a girl." I just had to sit there and send mental hate messages. The entire situation climaxed (no pun intended) in my last physics lecture. There was this guy, a really cute, intelligent, definition-of-cool guy who I always admired from a distance but was often too shy to talk to. That last day, I decided to sit next to him.
"Oh God," he said.
"What?" I asked.
"Are your friends coming?"
"I hope not."
"Man, they better not, they're soooo annoying."
I was mortified. Caesar (yes, another alias) obviously did not want me anywhere near him, because he knew that wherever I sat, my friends would follow. It. Sucked. My stomach dropped and I wanted to cry as I sat by waiting and praying that neither Herb nor Fred would show up. But, sure enough, they did. Herb, did I mention he was in nearly every one of my classes?, sat right next to me, picked up on my hate vibe, and said, "What's your problem? You seem pissed. You used to be cool. Are you sad?" Blah blah blah. "SHUUUT UPPP!!!!" Okay, no, I didn't say that, but I wanted to. Instead, I was just utterly cool with him and gave him short, one word answers. And at the end of class, I turned to Caesar and said, "Happy? They were quiet." "Yeah," he said. And left. I see him around, but he hasn't spoken with me since then.
To sum up, I feel like an idiot. Just that Caesar associated me with Herb and Fred, with people like that, stupid frat boys, that everybody must have associated me with them. I'm not like that. I'm a nerd, I'm nice, I'm smart, or at least I like to hope I am...
Soooo, I made a promise to myself that I would disassociate from them. I had a plan. I would sit in the front, where they never sat, and I would avoid them at all costs. Yet, of course, come this semester, Biology 1B, Herb found me. He sat right next to me in the room adjacent to the lecture hall that people who were late were forced into so that we could watch the webcasted lecture. And he talked, and talked, and repeatedly asked what my problem was, and asked if I was angry because I wasn't in the actual lecture hall, "you would be," he said. And so, my bitchy moment came. "No, I just hate it when people talk so much to me when it's eight o' clock in the morning." "Douche-bag," he said. And that was it. I hope he got the idea. I'm over him, I can't stand him, his face, his condescending attitude.
But is that okay? I don't really feel like it was, but I guess it's the price I have to pay for befriending him in the first place.
I don't think anyone deserves to be spoken rudely to and I know I don't have the right to speak like that to anyone. But is it okay if it's for my own sanity? The Christian act would have been to just put up with it and perhaps voice my disagreement when Herb and Frank spoke like idiots. That would have been the right thing to do. It's just so hard to truly define what is right when it applies to my own sanity, but I guess if I look at it that way, that's just shows how selfish I am.